3 steps of becoming a better team member

We compete in a job market where it is expected from us that we are excellent team players. The problem is that no one teaches us how to become one exactly.

In my current role, I am part of a diverse team of creatives, developers, and project managers. Some of these people are very sensitive, some of them are cold-blooded rational, and some of them don’t even speak the same language. If this isn’t complex enough, we have to manage projects and fight deadlines from 3 different continents.

This requires great teamwork. Regardless of what happens in the background, let it be our individual faults or conflicts, we have the common goal of delivering the best results to our clients – as a Team.

Here are 3 lessons I’ve learned when working in the beautiful chaos of creative agencies.

1. Listen more than you talk

When we are little, we all get taught how to talk and how to write. But how to listen? Genuinely listening to someone is hard, because our thoughts run faster than people talk. So while people are talking to us, we have some spare brain capacity left, which we can use to evaluate what they are saying, think about our grocery shopping list, or even daydream about our upcoming vacation. It requires an effort to be present in a conversation and listen without judging, predicting or concentrating on something totally different.

I find that there are two main benefits of being a good listener. First, people will like you more. Just think about it. When your partner actually listens to you, it makes you feel important and valued, right? We all like people who allow us to have a conversation about our favorite subject, which is ourselves.

Next time you’re in a team-building event, try to master this mindset and focus your interest on your team mates rather than your own stories. By paying attention to your mates, they will be inclined to like you more. Not to mention you will gain relevant insights that will help you to understand their motives and behavior as well.

This leads me to the second benefit of active listening, which is the fact that you control the conversation, not the ones who are talking. As suggested by the management trainer Chris Croft, the occasional questions like, "Where did you get this idea from?" or, "Can you tell me more about this part?," help you decide which direction should the conversation go, without being pushy or annoying.

2. Reliability is your best trait

So, wo cares if you show up 5 minutes late to a meeting? What could go wrong if you send the promised files with only 2 hours delay to a partner? The truth is, these little things add up and create an overall impression of you. 

Being reliable in a business environment means that you keep your promises and your partners can trust you. It means that you are able to keep track of overlapping tasks and get your time management system right. You could achieve this by writing down notes, establish a rule to reply to messages within 24 hours, and keeping all appointments in a system that works for you. Personally, I prefer the old-fashioned way of using a physical diary for my priorities. 

When it comes to teamwork, the other aspect of reliability is your emotional stability. Don’t you agree that your best colleagues are the ones who have a stable, positive personality and don’t have mood swings depending on the weather?

These things are so simple yet most of us struggle with them. One of my managers once told me that the fact that you are reliable would already put you ahead of 90% of your competition in any given field.

3. Learn to forgive

Although it is important to be reliable, I also believe that we shouldn’t take ourselves too seriously. We need to realize that mistakes are inevitable in a team situation. And we shouldn’t take them personally.

During a busy week, it can happen that your manager don’t tell you about an important plan. Your team might make a decision when you are not there and you feel left out. Maybe your colleague makes a mistake that will impact your project’s success. Maybe you make a mistake. When deadlines are tight, we tend to push ourselves a bit too far and take risks that are beyond our capacity.

These things will happen, and a good team player will let these go. Because holding on to our emotional baggage will only slow us down in the long run.

Let me quote a classic from Mark Manson here:

“You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of f*cks to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a f*ck about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice—well, then you’re going to get f*cked.”

Of course, there could be situations that really upset you, where you feel you weren’t treated fairly. If I feel truly hurt about something, then I communicate my feelings so my team can learn from the situation and fine-tune the process so it won’t repeat. The key here is not to wait months until destructive feelings grow inside you and you develop a negative attitude towards your colleagues.

It actually feels good to forgive and to be forgiven. And it is much better to work in a team that is able to discuss difficulties and move on, than being surrounded by people who stress on each other’s small imperfections all the time. 

Now I’m curious. What would you add to this list? Do you feel that you’re part of a good team? Let me know in the comments.